I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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