He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
