i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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