so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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