He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
