and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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