your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
