apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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