can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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