well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
