i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I intend to get homeless drunk
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
