is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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