it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
