Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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