your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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