i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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