did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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