Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
