Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize