new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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