We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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