maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
3pm strippers are depressing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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