sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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