I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize