You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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