I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
