Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
