I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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