hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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