So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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