I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
