Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
