I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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