I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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