hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
