I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
