Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
