Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is Oprah even human
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
