We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
