I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
