ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
