don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
