Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
