Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He has the fingertips of a God
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