if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
