New low: just hacked my moms facebook
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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