I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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