Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
