Jerry, you need to find god
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
