Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
