I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
