Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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