i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
