Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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