So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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