Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
