I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
