She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
