I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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