Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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