we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
