I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
