He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know her cup size but not her name....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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