if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
