My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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