Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize