In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
