Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
