OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
