dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
