I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
