when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
