I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
