Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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