Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
