Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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