You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
