She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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